Mending the End
by ChaseStorm
Summary: Spamano fanfic featuring a very depressed Romano and an oblivious Spain. When life just becomes nothing but meaningless to Romano he spirals into depression. Will Spain be able to mend his lovers broken heart? Or will Romano end? Trigger Warnings will be included. The story will get very depressing. So, if you can handle the feels than please read. Reviews would be appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello my Lovelies. Working on my third story here. I know that the first one is not finished and has been on hold for a while. But I have want to get a couple chapters into this before I continue** _ **Envy and Impurity**_ **.**

 **I do not own Hetalia or its characters. I merely own the plot.**

 **WARNING: Story contains dark themes. There will be trigger warnings. Specifically thoughts of suicide in this chapter. Please DO NOT read if that bothers you.**

 **Also, this story will come to contain yaoi.**

 **ENJOY~**

Olive green eyes stared out of the window before them. Outside was dull and lifeless. There was no sunlight shining through the heavy, gray clouds that filled the sky. At least that is the way he saw the world. He saw nothing in the world that brought true happiness to his mind, his heart nor his soul.

Centuries of living had gotten him nowhere. Though the people around him were shimmering with happiness, he was the opposite. He could not understand what they could be so happy about. What did they have left to live for? How could they smile through all these years?

All around him was a sea of never ending trouble. It was always the same. There were constant economic problems and too many wars fought to even count. He had been pushed around and bullied by those around him. It seemed that no one ever seemed to find it in their hearts to like him.

The red satin curtain ruffled in the gentle breeze. The brunette let out a sigh and closed his eyes. " _If only I could be someone like you. . ."_ he thought to himself. His hair fluttered in the breeze and he took a deep breath. " _It would be so simple to just. . ."_ He opened his eyes and looked at the ground that was three stories below. His face fell into a grimace. " _Like that would work for someone like me."_

He huffed and closed the window. Staring out the window all day would have been nice. It really would have. Unfortunately he did not have that kind of luxury. _He_ would be home soon and Romano did not think that he could deal with him yet. No, not when he was feeling this down.

Walking over to his closet he pulled out a simple black jacket and pulled it on. Running a hand through his hair he fixed the mess that the wind had caused. He grabbed his house key and decided to walk to the town plaza.

It was very chilly with the way the wind felt harsh and unforgiving against his face. But he did not mind. The feeling did not bother him. It was better than feeling nothing. Like feeling that he was nothing. When in reality he was much more than that.

The plaza was beautiful as always. Despite the cold weather people were still wandering the plaza. Small stands were selling candies and hot beverages. The cafes, restaurants and shops were all busy with happy customers. Couples walked hand in hand as they happily spent an afternoon together.

Sure these people have their fair share of troubles. But those were nothing compared to what he and his fellow nations had to deal with. At least the humans would die one day and be free. They will not to live life on repeat forever while the world continues to hate them.

Romano looked to the center of the plaza to see the most beautiful part of the plaza. It was a fairly large fountain. The water flowed out and around it peacefully. He had always loved the fountain. Ever since it was built it brought him to a peaceful and calm state of mind. That was what brought him out there in the first place. He wanted some peace of mind. To feel at ease for the first time in a long time.

As he reached the fountain he looked up at the still gray sky. A small drop of rain fell from the sky and landed on his face. It was followed by many others like it. As the people around him began to flee to shelter, he stayed out in the rain.

His eyes closed as he let the rain hit his face and soak him to the bone. The weather only seemed to convey his own feelings. He was in South Italy after all. His home. The country was all of him. The city was his heart.

After so long it was hard to tell if his face was covered with rain or with tears. He did not know when he had started to cry. But it was inevitable. Of course he would cry with thoughts such as his. Anyone would.

He fell to his knees in front of the fountain. The emotions inside of him overflowing. As they did the storm seemed to worsen. Thunder roared and lightning struck uncontrollably. He covered his face with his hands as he sobbed. " _Why? Why can't I just . . .?"_

His tears soon stopped, but the rain never did. For he was still crying on the inside. He probably would remain that way for years to come. At least that is what he came to assume. He looked up at the sky with dull green eyes. They looked void of life.

Standing up slowly he staggered slightly. He looked at the fountain standing before him. Romano reached into his pocket and pulled out a quarter. Holding it in his palm he looked at it with those empty eyes of his. A small, sad and broken smile appeared on his face as he threw in the coin. " _Please I want. . ."_

As he made his wish, the thunder roared it's loudest. Of course that meant nothing to Romano. He did not even notice the sound. He was too lost in his own tragic mind. Too broken to hear the clapping of destiny. Of fate.

He made his way home slowly. Staggering side to side the whole way there. Not even minding that he was soaked. All that mattered to him was going home to curl up in bed and wait for the day to end. Maybe sleep would save him from the endless nightmare he called life. He could only hope so.

When he returned home he went straight up the stairs to his room. He did not even bother taking off his wet clothes nor his shoes. He just flopped onto the bed and stared off into space. Before he finally drifted to sleep he thought of the wish he had made. If it could come true . . . he would truly be happy.

" _I want to be human, like you."_

 **Thank you to anyone who read this to the end. I would really appreciate your reviews. The reviews left on my stories will help me to move forward in my story. So, ideas and support are welcome!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is another chapter for you guys. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Warning same as before: If thoughts of suicide bother you then do not read.**

 **I do not own hetalia.**

When Romano had finally woken up it was still raining outside. It was still dull and gray out. It did not put him in a better mood at all. In all reality it did not even seem to faze him. It was like he was not even there. The body there was just a shell. His soul somewhere far, far away. At least . . . that is what it felt like.

He got up and out of bed in a daze. The first thing he did was head to the bathroom and start a shower himself. His clothes were still a bit damp from the night before. So, he immediately shed off the clothing. It was necessary to complete the task of showering after all.

When the water had warmed up enough the lifeless nation stepped under the water. If he were anyone else he would have found it nice and relaxing. But he still felt nothing. He just went through the motions until he was squeaky clean. The time just flew by.

When he got out and went to his room his picked out some clothes blindly and headed downstairs. As soon as he reached the kitchen he was greeted with a cheerful voice and the smell of freshly brewed coffee.

"Hola!" the cheerful voice yelled. Romano looked up to see the man he had avoided seeing the night before. A wide grin was plastered onto his face as always as he looked at Romano with his emerald eyes.

The shorter nation did not reply to the other. Instead he just grabbed a cup and filled it up with coffee. Sitting at the table he drank it slowly. Not even bothering to acknowledge the presence of the Spaniard. He did not seem to mind being ignored. He only sat there and watched Romano while eating a tomato that he had gotten off the counter.

An hour went by in complete silence. Which was actually quite odd seeing as the Spaniard could never keep quite. He was just as bad as Feliciano, Romano's little brother. When the Italian looked back over at the other man he was surprised to see him looking out the window with a thoughtful look on his face.

"Roma?" he said curiously. Said person grunted in response. Spain made a face for a moment before turning to Romano. "Are you sad?"

This caught Romano off guard. The Spanish nation was always so oblivious to everything. He could never sense mood in any situation. So, why could he now? Out of all the years they had lived he chooses now to notice something. " _He cannot know. It would make things so much more difficult and annoying then they need to be,"_ he thought to himself. Forcing an angry look onto his face he growled. "Why the hell would I be sad you bastard?! I'm not a weakling like my brother!"

With Romano pulling off his normal attitude perfectly, Spain smiled. " _The rain must have just been nothing then,"_ he thought. Not even thinking that the Italian could be lying to him. "Ha-ha, of course Roma~ I guess I was just overthinking things!"

Romano rolled his eyes. "Idiot," he mumbled. He looked back down to his half empty cup of coffee. " _I want to be a person who is still being 'me', but . . . that would not really be me anymore."_

"Too bad it is raining though. I wanted to do some gardening today," Spain said quietly. His voice holding just a tiny amount of sadness. But Romano knew that the older nation would get over it soon. Even if he was older, he still acted like a child.

Just as Romano was going to tell him to get over it the doorbell rug. He groaned in annoying. " _Who would want to come over in such shitty weather? I do not want to see anyone. I want to be alone."_ Even though he really did not want to, he still went to go answer the door.

Before he could even see who it was or cuss out the intruder he was pulled into a bone crushing hug. "Ciao, fratello!" a familiar voice yelled into his ear.

" _Just great. Is god trying to test how long I can keep up this façade?"_ Romano thought to himself. "What the hell, Italy! Get off!" he growled. Pushing his little brother off of him. Italy just smiled and laughed.

"Don't be so rude Roma," Spain chastised as he walked into the living room to greet Itlay. "Hola, Italy~"

"Big brother Spain! You are over here, too?! I thought fratello kicked you out last week." He tilted his head in confusion.

" _Oh yeah. I had forgotten about that,"_ Romano thought to himself.

Spain laughed awkwardly as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah, well . . . I think I am forgiven. Maybe. He has not told me to go away yet."

If Romano had not been lost in his thoughts again he probably would have made some kind of comment. But his mind would not stop sending him wave after wave of depressing thoughts.

He did not even notice when the two cheerful idiots went into the kitchen to cook something for lunch. Nor did he notice when he walked up the stairs and locked himself in his room. Only when he found himself staring out his window for the millionth time did he become aware of his surroundings.

It looked like it was going to storm soon. That was probably why Italy was over. He was terrified of thunder and lightning. So, naturally he did not want to be alone. But Romano DID want to be alone. He just wanted everything to go away.

He went and sat on the bed. His heart feeling heavy with all of the sadness it held. He felt tears gathering in his eyes. " _I wish I could be like Italy . . . or like Spain. They are so happy. They do not have a care in the world. They can still find enjoyment in doing simple things like cooking or gardening."_ He found himself letting the gathering tears fall down his face. He just could not seem to stop. There was nothing for him in the world anymore. Even seeing his brother did nothing to bring happiness to his soul. He closed his eyes tightly as he put a hand over his heart.

" _If I am this way I would never want to stay."_

 **Question: I am thinking of doing a time skip for the next chapter to get further into his depression. Yay or nay?**

 **Please review. Thank you again for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here is my next chapter! I tried to make it have even more feels. SO, be prepared. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Warning: Self-harm and thoughts of suicide**

 **I do not own Hetalia**

Days went by. They turned into weeks. Which turned into months. But Romano did not even notice the time going by. After living for so long time just stopped being important. And just to him, but to all the other nations as well.

The depression never seemed to leave the olive eyed nation. When he was not forced to act like his "usual" self he continued on through life in a dream like state. He just went through the motions while his mind stayed elsewhere. He could not be bothered with life anymore.

Nothing could get him to brighten up. But no one really tried. No one seemed to notice that he was depressed. But then again they rarely even noticed him to begin with. So, that should be expected. It would have been if someone cared though. If anyone gave him enough thought to even notice. If everyone did not seem to hate him. It would have been so nice.

His bother's constant visits and hugs never cheered Romano up. They only exhausted him. They actually would make him feel worse since it always seemed like Spain payed more attention to Italy then Romano.

Spain never seemed to cheer him up either. He always tried since Romano was always so grumpy. But he never succeeded. Not even when he told Romano how he felt. Those words of love went through one ear and out the other. Romano would not believe those words. Those lies. How could anyone feel that way about him? It was impossible. There was nothing about him to love. He was nothing. He was not happy and cheerful like Italy. He was not full of love or life. He was dead inside.

Each and every day Romano only felt a handful of emotions. Exhaustion, Sadness, and numbness. The sadness was the worst. It was just so painful. It hurt him so much he could not even stand it. The tears would never stop when the sadness decided to show up. It would just consume him until he finally cried himself to sleep. Only to wake up numb the very next day. Which of course felt so much better, since it felt like nothing.

But Romano had recently picked up a habit to get rid of the emotional pain he felt. Of course he could have just sucked it up. He had felt much worse pain in all his years of living. But he just could not stand it any longer.

He picked up the blade that he had hidden in his dresser. With a gentle smile on his face he went and sat on his bed. The tears of his misery cascading down his face. He rolled up his sleeve to reveal his arm, littered in scattered red lines. He touched them all gently. His skin felt so rough and ragged.

Taking a deep and calming breath he touched the blade to his arm. Most of the wounds were healed now. So, he had a lot more room to make more cuts. Pressing the blade down, he slowly dragged it across his skin. The thin, but deep cut began to bleed.

This brought a very pleased smile onto Romano's face. His eyes filled with a look that could only be called insane. He let out a giggle as he kept on cutting up his arms. Hacking off his flesh as his cuts began to get more jagged and rough as he began to cut himself quicker.

This was the only time he truly felt alive. He knew that it was wrong. But he just could not stop himself. It felt so good. He needed to do it. If he could not die . . . then he could at least suffer. He could feel pain. He could feel alive too.

Eventually the small nation passed out due to the blood lose. When he woke up days later he found that he was no longer in his room. In fact he was pretty sure he was not even in his own home. He wondered if he had died and had finally moved onto another life. But the obnoxious greeting he soon got told him otherwise.

"Oh! West! He has finally woken up! Bring in something to drink!" he heard an annoying Prussian yell. Romano groaned slightly. Finding that his throat did hurt. So, a drink would actually be nice.

He looked over to see the Prussian looking at him. He was surprised to see concern in his piercing red eyes. But he really should not have. They had been best friends for a very long time. Always wreaking havoc and making their little bother's lives miserable.

"Romano . . . what is going on?" he asked, unusually serious. The olive eyed nation tilted his head in confusion. He did not understand what the Prussian was talking about. He was sure that he was hiding the depression pretty well. Why bother others with his pathetic problems?

It was not until he saw what the other's eyes were fixed on did he understand. His sleeve was still rolled up from when he was hurting himself. His clothes still soaked in blood from cutting too much and too deep. In slight panic Romano stood up and immediately tried to flee the room. But was stopped by a strong firm grip.

"Please Romano. Tell me what is going on. I'm worried about you. . ." he pleaded with distress.

"I'm fine," he responded with a voice void of emotion. There was no point in sharing his problems. It would never change anything.

"Do not lie to me! There is clearly something wrong! You would not be hurting yourself if you were A-Okay."

Romano let out a sigh. "Prussia, there would be no point in telling you. It would not change anything. Life would continue as it has been for centuries and my feelings would stay the same."

The albino ran his hands through his hair as his little brother entered the room. He set the glass on the table and looked at the two older nations. He could sense all of the tension and distress. But he could not handle anything like that. So, he immediately left and called up Italy.

"There has to be something I can do for you. I cannot just sit by and watch as you destroy yourself. We may be immortal . . . but if you continue doing all of this . . . you are going to end up dying Romano! You know what happens to the nations when their personifications are injured."

Romano laughed softly. But it was more out of sadness than anything. "I can only hope that happens. That would finally be the end."

Prussia eyes went wide as he felt tears coming to his eyes. It had been a long time since anything had made him sad enough to cry. "Do not say things like that! You cannot die! There are people who would miss you! There are people who love you!"

Romano scoffed. "Love me? Everyone hates me. It is clear as day. I only make those around me miserable. Who the hell would love me?"

"Spain! Italy! . . . Me," he ended with a whisper. "I love you . . . I do not wish to see your destruction."

Romano felt tears come to his eyes as well. "Do not spew such lies to me. Everyone would be much happier if I died. Don't you dare disagree."

Before Prussia could get out a response Romano held left. Slamming the door on his way out. The Prussian nation could only stand in place as the tears fell down his face. Why couldn't he save the man that he loved?

As Romano walked down the road he cried. He knew that the feelings from the Prussian were probably true. But he could not bear to sadden the man more than he already had. If he crushed his love right then and there . . . then maybe he would not care by the time death found him. He knew he would die soon. And he really could not wait. He hoped his next life could be much better.

" _It would be so nice to see no one hating me_."

 **If you got this far thanks for reading! Please review!**

 **Question: Would you like to see more Prumano in the story? It will still end up being Spamano mostly. But I thought it would be a nice touch. Yay or nay?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Alright. Here is a new chapter Loves! I know it has been a little while since I have updated this. But I have been busy XD**

 **I do not own Hetalia.**

Emerald eyes watched in worry as the nation of his affection walked into the house. He was soaked to the bone with almost no emotion on his face whatsoever. He had been gone for days with no trace of ever leaving.

Spain was an oblivious nation. Even he himself had to admit that. But when it came to Romano he tried very hard not to miss anything. To know everything. He truly did love his tomate after all.

But there was one thing that was beginning to be very obvious to the Spaniard. There was something wrong with Romano. He did not know what it was. But it was there. Right in plain sight. So, why couldn't Spain see it.

He knew that Romano had not been himself lately. His rude attitude performed half-heartedly. It was very unnerving. Spain did not know how to handle a Romano who was not feisty down to his very core.

He watched as the younger nation went and sat on the couch. Not giving Spain so much as a greeting. In fact the Spanish nation was sure the other had not even noticed that he was there. After all, he did not tackle him into a loving hug as soon as he entered the house.

Putting on his best and most cheerful smile Spain ran and jumped onto the couch. Determined to cheer up his little tomate. "Hola Roma~" he yelled. Wrapping his arms around said nation.

Romano gasped and then growled angrily. "Dammit Bastard! You cannot just sneak up on people like that!" He tried to get out of the idiots grasp. He was panicking and that was very clear to Spain. Romano could not bear to keep up the act just yet. He needed to get away.

Spain began to pout. "But Roma," he began to whine. "I missed you~ You were gone for so long."

"I was only gone for a couple days. We have been separated for far longer than that." The Italian rolled his eyes. Taking deep breaths as to not break down in front of his former caregiver.

Spain watched him carefully. But he still couldn't figure out what was wrong. Though he could tell Romano was acting he found that he had always done that before hand. But it felt different somehow. It was like the shield he had put up for centuries was beginning to crack.

It scared him. What was going to happen to his Roma when the shield finally crumbled? He did not know. He couldn't even think of an answer. But he knew the answer would be revealed to him soon enough.

Had Spain been a bit smarter he would have learned by now that the southern half of Italy was taking a turn for the worse. People were dying of some mysterious illness. Buildings that had no structural problems at all were crumbling. People were losing their jobs as the economy began to fail. The country of South Italy was dying.

Only three nations seemed to care enough to notice. Only three nations were smart enough to see the death that was coming shortly. But there was one nation who more than anything wanted to fix it all. But he knew that there was nothing he could do.

Italy sat on Germany's bed balling his eyes out. Germany held the small nation close. He too wished that he could do something. But there has never been a time when the death of nation was stopped. It was still a mystery as to why Prussia was still living amongst them.

"I need to help him Germany. He is my dear fratello," Italy cried out.

Germany sighed. "There is nothing we can do Italy. The only one who can stop the destruction of South Italy is the nation himself. And I do not see that happening. If you had seen the wounds he had-" he spoke up only to be interrupted by a wailing Italian.

Prussia could hear the hysterical Italian from his room. And He could only feel the same. Tears still streaming down his face. He too wanted to help. But he knew it was useless. It was clear that Romano no longer wished to live. He probably felt that he had nothing left to live for. Hell, Prussia had felt the same way after the unification of Germany.

But Prussia found that he still had people to live for. He had to live for his brother. He had to live for his best friends. He had to live for his love. But now. . .his love wanted to die. And he really did not know how to handle that. He had never lost someone he loved before. And he did not want it to happen now.

Romano sat next to Spain as they ate dinner. Spain was chatting animatedly about something. But Romano was not really listening. He stopped listening when he was sure that the Spaniard was too lost in his own world to notice.

He had other things on his mind. Things that seemed to be more important than tomatos and churros. He could not get Prussia's confession out of his mind. He could not get Spain's many, many . . . many confessions out of his mind either. The more he thought about it the more it seemed like a lie. He was sure that they were just playing a trick on him.

When that thought passed through his mind he felt more depressed than he had been feeling beforehand. It was true. No one loved him. His own brother probably did not even love him. It was a lie. They had all been lying to him for god knows how long. He suddenly felt utterly betrayed.

He could not help but to let the tears begin to fall down his face. It did not even matter that Spain was right there looking at him with a shocked expression. All he could do was run. Run into his room and lock the door. Not even hearing the pleas from the Spanish nation to stop. All he could hear were the voices in his mind.

" _I am losing myself while I fall."_

 **Alright there is the end of this chapter. I'm sorry if it seems a little all over the place. But I wanted to show how Romano's depression is affecting the others in his life.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Long time no see. I know I let this story die, but some medical issues had gotten in the way. I am back though. My story Envy & Impurity, however, has been deleted. But I have a bunch of new stories that I shall start. **

**I do not own Hetalia.**

He should have known that it was a lie. To think that Spain could actually love someone like him. He was nothing. " _There is nothing about me to love. I am just a bitter and unimportant nation,"_ Romano thought to himself as he cried in his bed.

He could hear Spain knocking on his door softly. Trying to coax him into opening his door. But Romano refused to listen to the sweet and kind words that drifted from those Spanish lips. "Please come out, Romano. I love you," he could hear the man say.

The younger nation clutched at his hair as tears streamed down his face. " _Lies! Lies, lies, lies. . ."_ He would never believe the man. He had never given him any kind of proof to make him believe. Never had he even tried to make some sort of move on Romano.

Soon the nation found pain in his arms. He had not even realized that he had been clawing at his skin in his insanity. He leaned against the headboard of his bed. Running his fingers through his head as he laughed at himself weakly. " _I cannot believe how insane I have become. I am beyond saving now."_

He got up and went into the small bathroom connected to his bedroom. He slowly undressed himself as he turned on the shower. Letting the water run hot. Romano looked into the mirror with a frown. His reflection even looked insane.

Pale hands reached for the blade he had hidden from plain sight. They twirled the object around. Accidently nicking at the skin. But Romano did not care about that small wound. He only cared about the pain that was to come.

The first time had been a failure. Prussia had found him and he had saved him. But he was not going to be found until he was dead. He was so sure about that this time. Even with Spain sitting right outside his bedroom door, he as sure he would still die. The elder nation was too oblivious to think that death was even on Romano's mind.

He took a deep breath as he stepped into the blazing hot shower. The beads of water pelting at his skin felt great. But the blade that soon broke apart his skin felt even better. Time flew by as the cuts multiplied rapidly. The water below turning red as the blood fell. It only took a moment for the nation to fall with it. It only took a moment for the nation of South Italy . . . to die.

 **And I am sorry to say that this is the end. It was never meant to be a happy or a long story. BUT, I do have an idea for a sequel in mind. So, if you would like a sequel just let me know with a review!**


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